Champions

Wabi-sabi- (n.) the discovery of beauty in imperfection. 

Champions DO NOT become champions when they win the event.

But, in the hours, weeks, and years they spend preparing for it. It’s all about the journey not the destination. Right? 

Sitting at my 9 year olds’ gymnastics meet this weekend, it hit me like a ton of bricks….

Why do her score’s matter so much to me?? I gasped to myself…..took me aback a bit ( I’d never felt this way before..my stomach hurt) So, I’m going to get stressed and have anxiety over scores that are being given to her by solely one or two people who I truly have no idea their credibility. Not to mention, she’s having a fantastic meet and even if she feels that she did her “personal best” she is going to be ranked amongst her peers and possibly leave the meet feeling like garbage anyway?  Yes, learning to accept disappointment is a life skill that is important for all of us to understand BUT, am I encouraging her to put herself out there and consistently get rejected??

HMMMM…. But, I’m encouraging her to feel and be rejected? Right?? I’m putting her in an environment where she is ranked amongst her peers time and time again…what are we doing here

I thought? ….DO I HATE GYMNASTICS? Ugh…

We had a horrible ride home from a meet a few months back because it was not her best effort or performance..it was rough. She fell off the balance beam (got right back up but it shook her up good), her timing with her music in her floor routine was off, and she over-rotated in her bar routine…it was messy and her scores reflected the mess. She was upset and I was upset and we discussed it the whole ride home…the tears flowed down her cheeks…”You’re embarrassed by me”….that wasn’t what it was about….I want her to SHOW UP….EVERY TIME….showing up is what life is all about. Just show up to class is what my college professors would say on the first day of school at the beginning of every semester. And I couldn’t agree more. Being consistent and showing up are 2 very important lessons that we all should carry with us throughout our life. But, is this the place for her? Exposing her to a sport that she is solely responsible for her own fate?….being part of a TEAM sport means, sometimes, your teammates pull through for you or pull you through a mental block or a tough day. I CANNOT SAY THAT ABOUT GYMNASTICS THUS FAR. 

She’s constantly judging and being judged at school by her peers….I can give her advice because I’ve survived my elementary, middle school, and high school years. I see things with the clearest lens, she can not see through my lens. I’ve gone through it but to live in her shoes I cannot. Girls and boys are horrible to one another.. constantly making lists of who is prettiest, smartest, nicest, meanest, etc. you name it and they’re making lists…everyday…They are being judged all day long. By their parents, teachers, coaches, referees, judges, siblings, and peers. So, how do I ensure that she will make it through the rest of her Elementary, Middle, and High School years without being completely destroyed by the culture we live in? My job is to love and guide her without stopping to inquire whether or not she is worthy. All of us need to be encouraged, to be reminded of how wonderful we are. People need to be believed in and told that they are brave and smart and capable of accomplishing all the dreams they can dream and more. 

We cannot protect our children from every single disappointment in this life but we can look at what were exposing them to and decide if they are going to learn a bit about resilience, compassion, empathy, and character.

Here is my thought;  if I focus on perseverance and self-discipline…SHOWING UP….when things don’t go as well as she hoped she can still hold the confidence that she is a person of character and not accomplishments. 

I do not HATE gymnastics I dislike the FACT that her and I were feeling defined by scores rather than her JOURNEY.  Her world will not likely be gymnastics nor will it ever be anything that truly defines her, she is only just beginning to set the world on fire. Her JOURNEY is hers and I am just here to support her and feel everything as though it is happening to me. She is a girl of many desirable traits and her self-worth is not going to be built by focusing on scores but by SHOWING UP, participating in things that focus on personal growth, and trusting herself when she doesn’t quite trust herself. 

Here’s my list of things YOU can practice yourself to model and instill self-worth over all else: 

Model confidence. Self- confidence is considered one of the most influential motivators and regulators of behavior in people’s everyday lives. 

Talk about yourself and your body in a positive way. This body of yours no matter what shape or size has carried you around your whole life. It’s taken you places, enabled you to explore the world, and picked you up when you’ve fallen down. 

Leave appearance out. It is not always about the surface. Things underneath the surface are never what they appear to be. Look within spend less time JUDGING. 

Speak highly of others. It feels AMAZING to compliment, lift up, and love on others’. Women need to build other women up. That is how you become a person of soul. Being vulnerable to jealousy is a beautiful trait. You can be envious of someone yet compliment and love on them at the same time. Spreading love everywhere you go is easier than the latter. 

Foster your passions. Never ever convince yourself that you don’t have time to cook a healthy meal, read a book, or move your body (also referred to as exercise). You must do something for yourself everyday that makes everything better. We all need a release.  

Limit Social Media. Being on any kind of social media all the time is just damaging. It is a time waster(ever heard of waste-booking?), an energy sucker, and it makes us irritable and anxious. It can destroy relationships, expose us and our children to things we all aren’t ready to handle. You are the gatekeeper. Covenant Eyes is a great accountability and filtering program. I’ve also consider using Circle which is a way for families to manage content and time online, on any devices. Lay low yourself; especially when your with them and pay attention to what they are doing online. 

The best day of your life will be when you decide that your life is your own.

Start thinking of your DESTINATION not as a place, but a new way of seeing. There is beauty in all imperfection. All we can do is change direction and keep going. Happiness is the journey! I’m happy you’re here.

Lean In.